My darling Luka is adopted. The story of his adoption and how it affects him has passed from being our story to being his. So it will remain unsaid until he decides he wants to talk about it. But I can talk about how it relates to me.
Our adoption is purposefully very open. And that was our choice. Most people are surprised at how open it is and ask how we do it. I think if I looked from the outside in I would wonder that too.
It's always been about Luka. In the beginning being so open was hard. I didn't want to share him as we waited a long time for him. But I knew in my heart that it was the best path for him. I somehow knew Luka from the time he was a very little baby, by that I mean I knew his personality very well. I knew that if we didn't make adoption "normal" and a part of our every day life, the shock of finding out about it would drive a wedge between us.
Also selfishly I did not want to make the birth families a mystery. So that Luka could put them up on a pedestal and think that they could be what we are not. I want him to see the birth families as people, warts and all.
So this had meant a lot of contact and a lot of talk. The contact and sharing has become a lot easier. As Luka has grown he has developed an intense bond with MJ and I. Luka's world revolves around our tight little family unit and I am unthreatened by others wanting to be close to him.
His understanding of adoption seems unconscious at times. Even though his birth mother and birth father do not see one another and he has never seen them together, he understands that they go together. If he talks about one, the next question or topic will be about the other.
Adoption for us is a good thing and a good experience. All the families are very similar and we are blessed to know and love the birth families.
This weekend Nana R and Poppa W are coming to stay. They are technically Luka's birth grandparents but they are grandparents in every sense of the word. They love and embrace Grace as well as Luka. We are very very blessed.
So cool Sammy. The way you guys do family is a true inspiration xx
ReplyDeleteChildren are remarkable - hope you've all had a special weekend x
ReplyDeleteI like that you have embraced all that goes with your babies. In many ways we all carry that same challenge but it is more subtle. You're doing a great job xx
ReplyDeleteWonderful. :) As a child of a closed adoption, I have struggled to see how open adoptions could work well, but more and more I have been reading about them and am beginning to see just how beautiful it is. Adoption is always about what's best for the child, and it's so great that Luka gets so much wonderful family! I applaud you for making it normal for him - I remember growing up thinking that everyone was adopted and being surprised to find out that actually I was the different one! x
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have it beautifully balanced Sammy and love the fact that it is open and there will be no surprises later on x
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautifully written piece, Sammy. I can see that you are putting your child first on so many levels ~ you will be blessed at every step and definitely in the long run. Thanks for sharing :)
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