Nov 1, 2013

early days

This week I am feeling so nostalgic. Luka is 5 years old on Sunday. It's been the five best years of my life. I have been looking back at the early days- those insane crazy first few days.

Holding Luka for the very first time. The birth family's eyes were on me and my reaction. There was no guarantee that they would sign anything at that point so I was desperate to give them the reaction they wanted. Inside I could not believe I was holding a baby that could possibly be my son. I was overwhelmed.

Later that day we had a few moments alone with Luka. He was in the baby ICU with a heart murmur. I fell utterly in love. I sang to him and touched his tiny nose. He opened his eyes and we stared at each other. I was terrified that this would not work out as this tiny person now held my whole heart. 

Here we are the day after Luka came home. He is 13 days old. The birth families had all left and we were finally alone. A brand new family. I held him like I would never let go. That day I remember walking outside and it was a sunshiny day. I felt like I had walked out of a dark forest and was now standing in the sunshine. The feeling was indescribable, I felt such joy.  Luka brought sunshine into my life. Just by being, he is sunshine to me.

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