Since my Dad's diagnosis in mid January this year (it feels like a life time ago) he has been at death's door about 4 times. Literally about to step through. And each time he has somehow by the very Grace of God pulled back. We heard from a doctor last week that this is the nature of this particular cancer. Huge highs and huge lows.
He is really ill right now. Fluid on his lungs and weird pain elsewhere that they think may be his lungs or spread of the disease. My Mom made the difficult decision to put him on a course of antibiotics. I say difficult because the question is are we prolonging life or extending the suffering? I went to see him on Sunday and he has responded to the antibiotics like it's no-ones business.
The hardest thing for him has been the loss of independence. He has to ask someone for everything. Every single thing he wants. Over the last few days he has been well enough to ask for a coke. I know, black bottle of poison but hey, he loves it. He was asking my mother again for a coke on Sunday and I had had enough. I asked him if he wanted one NOW. He said yes, I said right, I will get you one. The look of delight that crossed his face made my heart hurt. It's a jolly bottle of coke, that's all.
I dashed down to the corner shop. I ran as I didn't want him to 1. fall asleep, or 2. forget that he had asked for one. I shamelessly wanted the credit and I wanted to do something for him. I am a daughter after all who still wants to please. He loved his coke. And I loved that I could do something for him. Win, win.
It's hard to believe that this is the man who was doing his best to die last week. A lovely moment captured between him and my Mom.
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