Dec 28, 2013

this year

I have learnt so much this sh**ty year. I am so glad to see the end of it I want to dance. It's been ugly and brutal. But I have leant so so much.

People often say how courageous we are (MJ and I). But seriously we are not. Often what looks like courage is merely moving forward. One step in front of the other. Not looking too far ahead for fear that our hearts will fail and certainly not looking behind at what we had.

This year I have learnt to live in the moment. Literally in the the vey now moment. I am so tired and who knows when I will rest so I have stopped looking to the horizon. If a moment is sweet I grab it and absorb every last bit of goodness. If I have a moment of calm I try to relax utterly. And it's crazy how those moments are enough to get me through.

I have learnt that things may not be ok. Ever. When I look at next year and the possibility of what may happen to my mother I can feel my heart starting to contract. There's so much in life we can't control. I can't control sickness. I have learnt that even though things may never be good, He will always be there. In the ok times, the fabulous times and the rubbish times. And where He is, is Grace. It's hard to explain but wherever I am, good or not good, I will be fine. My only expectation is that His Strength will be enough. And it always is.

The only point to this post is to say that life can be really bad. Super bad. Breathtakingly bad. Our only hope is to have a Hope bigger than ourselves. Bigger than our circumstances. A crutch? Oh yes. 100% a crutch. A Grace filled, Love giving, huger than huge Crutch. Who will get us through and promises us a future and a hope.

I really really like her hair

May your next year be awesome, lovely friends x

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