I went into see my Dad yesterday. He was so very lucid and we had a short conversation. I told him all about the random things in my family's life and he told me that "they were so very small", He followed on by saying that I should "walk a while on his journey and know his pain".
I was silenced as I felt his anger and frustration. He is right in that we have no idea about his pain and his journey. But I also understand that life is made up of small things which in turn make big things. And above all, we chose to have peace. It saddened me to hear him and I hope and believe that it was a moment of anger. Not a reflection of his heart. Dying is hard, friends. But it happens to all of us and I know that we chose how we die.
I don't want to sound as if I know because I don't. I don't know what it's like to lie in a bed with cancer. I can't imagine the pain of knowing and living with that. But I hope that if I do, I chose peace. I hope I chose to try to make things easier for my loved ones not harder. I hope I chose peace. I hope I chose the Peace.
Please hear that I do not judge my father in any way. I do not know his journey or his pain. I love him and honour him. And I appreciate that he expressed his heart to me, when he is usually so closed. It was so hard to hear but I am glad I did x