Sep 29, 2014

white hot

Image via here
So yes, turns out I am angry. Really angry. I didn't realise this until I lost it at someone this weekend. The reason for the discussion was justified on my part but I did not back down. Well, I could not back down. A white hot rage rose up and can't honestly even remember who was around me. I didn't yell or shout but I argued and argued and argued. And this was wrong. I ruined the end of a weekend for a whole lot of people.

So we left. As we drove away I was still white hot with anger.  Normally I am smitten with remorse after even a hint of disagreement. But I was not sorry, even for a nano second. I remember thinking on the drive home that this is what it's like to state your mind without care of consequence.

And even now I am not sorry. I realise I am angry at so much more than this person. I am angry that I am watching cancer eating a person who would take a bullet for my kids. Who lives for them and longs to see them grow up. A grandmother who epitomises what a grandmother should be. Who works every single day to understand them, who is always there for them and loves them, who makes a promise and keeps it always. This is grossly unfair. And I am so very angry.

We have lost so much over the last few years. Amazing people who would have been incredible guardians of our children's souls. And it seems like we are being left with so very little. So right here and now I am white hot angry.


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