memorial

We said our final good-byes and scattered my parents ashes in late December. We went to their favourite beach, had dinner in a lovely relaxed restaurant and then gathered at one corner of the beach. *I should add that scattering ashes into the ocean is legal here, despite what people think. You just have to be aware and considerate of others who may be using the beach and water at the same time*

As the sun set we prayed and to their favourite music waded into the ocean and scattered their ashes. Then we let sky lanterns off and as they floated away we toasted Mom and Dad with champagne.

I was ok through our little ceremony. I felt on edge the whole day but not a lot more. I think I have said my good-byes for now. You never say good-bye completely but for now I am settled.

Luka on the other hand was overcome with grief. We did not expect it and so did now manage him or prepare him at all. He had shown no real visible signs of grief for my parents over the last 12 months, even at the funeral of my mother. He asked me a couple of times why I was crying but showed no emotion.

He was distraught when he realised we were scattering the ashes of Mom and Dad. MJ led him out of the water and my heart broke. On and off though the night he would break away from his cousins and wander to the waters edge, sobbing. On the way home he cried again and then sobbed and sobbed  (and sobbed) in bed. If I did not love him before, I would have fallen in love with him all over again at that point. The depth of his love and emotion was beautiful. What a truly amazing little boy. With the resilience of youth, the next day he woke up bright eyed and bushy-tailed.

My aunt came over to visit for the memorial and has observed our family. She said that my sisters and I feel settled and I think that's true. The chaos of the last 4 years has subsided and we can finally heal. 2016 holds great hope for us.

PS I have to laugh, well at least now it's funny. New Zealand is very multi-cultural and the different cultures have different ceremonies and traditions. We had several people coming right into the middle of our group to try and hold sky lanterns or ask questions about them. Then stand right next to the group letting them off trying to chat. We had sad music playing, most of us were crying and we were in a tight huddled group. What? Was this not a clue that this was a sad moment for those involved? It baffled me but is another lesson that what makes sense to us culturally does not make sense to others. Live and learn!